


This Wasn't in the Manual

by Medie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-09
Updated: 2010-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The paperwork is going to be <i>epic</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	This Wasn't in the Manual

**Author's Note:**

> a quick drabble for [](http://celli.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**celli**](http://celli.dreamwidth.org/) who wanted Jim and Bones with a kid! And I can deny her nothing.

"What. The. _FU--MMPHCKTHEHLPBONES?"_

Finding himself suddenly muffled, Jim glares over the hand covering his mouth. The hand, it should be noted, happens to belong to his chief medical officer, best friend, and top secret crush going on, oh, forever.

Under some circumstances, Jim would even take this as kind of hot. Really. There are all kinds of ways his fantasy could take this scenario. In fact, he's busy logging sensation, pressure, taste, all for _serious_ review later. Serious, serious review later.

However, most of those aforementioned circumstances don't involve Bones glaring back and muttering, "Not in front of the _baby_."

Yeah, they also don't involve small children. _Obviously_.

For the record, the kid's like two, and it's not like Jim's been around toddlers lately. Sam's kids are the closest he's come and they're a half dozen systems away on Deneva being little kid geniuses who can probably swear _circles_ around him. (With Sam as their dad, it's practically genetic anyway)

So, yeah, not really used to kids.

Very deliberately, he takes hold of the hand on his mouth and pulls it away. "Okay. Let's try this again. Bones, why is there a kid in my quarters?" He's absolutely not going to panic about the fact that, dark eyes aside, said kid _really_ kind of looks like him.

With more than a little consternation, Bones shakes his head. "I didn't know what else to do with him, Jim." He spreads his hands. "Couldn't just let him wander the halls, and Sickbay's no place for a baby and -- " He falls silent when Jim raises a finger.

In deference to the child present, he decides not to use the obvious one.

"Let me rephrase. Why is there a child on my _ship_?"

Bones coughs, cheeks slowly turning red. "Well, uh, you remember how that ambassador wanted to present you with a gift -- "

"--of grave magnitude to cement the bond between his world and the Federation. Yeah, yeah, I was there for the three hour speech, Bones, your point?" Jim asks the question, but really? He already knows. At least, he's got an idea. One borne of that sinking feeling of 'oh god, this is going to be so fucked up and Pike is going to _kill. me. dead._' that's threatening to choke off his air supply.

With a little wave of his hand, Bones smiles. Well, grimaces is more like. "Surprise."

"They gave us one of their -- " Jim stares at the little boy, absolutely horrified. He doesn't _look_ like one of ambassador's people, but maybe the horns don't show up until puberty or something. "Holy -- "

Bones glares and he shuts up.

Right. Yeah. No swearing. He's going to have to work on that.

"They didn't give us one of their kids, Jim," Bones says, blushing harder.

"They _kidnapped_ someone else's?" Jim gapes. Oh this is bad. This is so very, very bad. The paperwork is going to be _epic_. He won't be able to find his desk. He won't be able to find his Yeoman. (Janice is going to have his balls for this) Hell, he won't be able to find his office.

Uh. Okay, so half the time he can't do that now, but this is _different_.

"Nope." Bones shakes his head again. He scratches the back of his neck and mutters an oath. "They made one."

"They _what_?"

"They made one. They got samples of DNA from some crewmembers and they -- " Bones waves a hand at the toddler. "Made him."

"From -- " Jim closes his eyes. Oh fuck. Oh fuckity fuck, fucking fuck. Starfleet Command is going to kill him. The Federation Council is going to have Bones bring him back and then _they_ will kill him _again_. "Do we know who?" So they can start wading into the legal clusterfuck that this one's going to be.

"Ran it myself." Bones heaves a sigh. "Twice."

Jim looks at him.

Oh no.

He looks away, wishing like hell Bones weren't so damn easy to read, but there's the kid grinning back at him with eyes just like his father. Jim shuts his. "Us?"

"Yeah," Bones says on a sigh. A deep, heavy, 'we're in it now, Jim' sigh. "Spock's contacting 'Fleet HQ for us."

Jim nods. "Good." He sits down. His legs are, uh, not all that happy with him right now. "They -- _Us_?"

Bones sits next to him. "_Yeah_."

"Bones?"

"Yeah, Jim?"

Jim opens his eyes. "Do me a favor and cover Junior's ears? I think I need to get something out of my system."


End file.
